they need to just BURY HIM!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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