I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
