You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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