I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
