My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This house was built for laser tag.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
