i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
