I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
