i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
