you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
love makes seman taste better
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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