i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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