His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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