Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
