just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
