He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
