She said her name was "party"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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