you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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