New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
