We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
