$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
