Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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