We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
