It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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