I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
