I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
