Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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