i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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