I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
