some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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