my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't turn off my feet"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
