Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
