haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
