Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
