so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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