I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize