Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
