I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
