I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
