he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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