At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
