Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
