Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
