70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
