I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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