I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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