Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
