i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
