In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
