you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
