I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
