Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
