"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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