Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
