So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
