It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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