matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
