I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
