I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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