sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
