We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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