Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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