whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
