I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
