I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found the puke drawer
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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