Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
