I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
