Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Even my vagina gasped.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
