i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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