I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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