Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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