dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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