I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
