i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
