You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize